Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
