I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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