Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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