I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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