1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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