Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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