I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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