My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
soo... how was my night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
