Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
