Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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