So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
