Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
