I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize