Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
