i wish peter jackson would direct porn
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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