he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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