Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
