dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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