i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
