you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
