i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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