I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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