you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
