Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
