can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
