You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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