when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
