Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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