my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
