Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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