It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
