were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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