The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
