I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
