Barsexuality is the new black.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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