It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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