apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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