Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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