ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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