He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
