We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
