Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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