Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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