Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
