she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
