put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize