We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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