My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
