You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
