At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
