The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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