Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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