Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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