Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
