i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
