i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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