shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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