I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
