The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
