If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
