Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So much rum. So many feels.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
