im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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