I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
