If i come over, it means nothing
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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