And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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