I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
