when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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