I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
