I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
