She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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