Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
