I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
