Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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