then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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