just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
