So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
