So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
