she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
