i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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