I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
