and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
