i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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