Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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